From Fear to Now

Have you ever sat at church and felt like every lesson is directed straight at you? I think it speaks powerfully of the nature of God’s words.

Personally though, I find it happens the most when I am arguing with God about something. It isn’t always about a conflict in my life, just a direction I am fearful of. When there is conficlut, it can make a difficult time seem even worse. When will I learn that God’s timing is always perfect, while mine is so so flawed?

All of these things came to me while listening to a lesson on growing in Christ. We were talking about not standing still in our faith. We are called to grow and mature. After the lesson, my children joined me in my pew. I looked at my three girls and knew that I could no longer live in fear. Instead, I wanted to set an example of living my faith. As I studied more, I read:

Romans 8:15 – For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!”

Bible English Standard Version

I went home that day, and the conviction grew.

Have you heard the phrase ‘paralyzed by fear’, I think we all have. It represents not moving forward. Everyone else is moving forward and you– you’re afraid to make a decision. If you do make decisions, they make take you far away from where you need to go. Fear can paralyze you, spiritually and emotionally. It’s like the world is on fast forward and you’ve hit pause, then you got stuck there.

I was stuck, and it was setting the wrong example for my girls. It was hurting my marriage, it wasn’t glorifying anyone, least of all God.

Some people spend their whole lives afraid. Stuck. I woke up one day realizing that living in fear was a decision. It was a decision that I made every time I gave into to fear, giving it more power over my life than any other thing. Once I recognized it, I then had a different perspective on the terrible things I had been fearful of.

You know what? They didn’t seem as scary anymore.

I admit, I’m one of the blessed. When I was lost in fear my life looked, well not normal, but good. I had already shaken the fear of not following societies standards. First, I made the decision with my husband to be a stay-at-home mom. Then we made the decision to stay out of public school. At first, we went with private school then homeschooling. My life was weird, but a good weird. Jesus carried me.

It wasn’t always so good. My years at school left me scared. I never felt good enough, or worthy of love. Another lie meant to tear me down and keep my light hidden.

I had faith that God would see me through to the end. Being with me during the peaks and valleys of life was not the same as seeing that I didn’t get hurt. Like many of you, I saw that as my job. I was so wrong. By being so fearful of what people could and did dish out, I held back. I could stand up and fight for you, but I kept myself hidden.

Fear is a learned reaction; I was not always afraid. Hurt me once, shame on you; hurt me twice, shame on me, mentality. Then it hit me in the heart, those were worldly ideas. I could not be a light if I kept myself hidden. By my actions, I was passing that on as a legacy to my girls.

We are told in the Bible not to keep track of the sins against us.

We are told to turn the other cheek, to keep forgiving, just as our own sins are forgiven. These are not idle concepts. Jesus knew what he was asking of us. I needed to decide was if I was up to the challenge.

It all comes back again to fear. If I want to find the freedom in life that salvation in Jesus promises, then I have to let go of that fear. If I don’t let go, then I can’t grow in my faith. I won’t really be living. I’ll still be on pause, watching as life goes by. Worse, I’d be teaching my girls to do the same.

That is what the path to publishing my writing is about for me. It’s about living my faith, stepping out and being a light. It’s about being an example of living and using the gifts I’ve been given. The legacy I want to leave my girls, is the example of living my faith.

How best to live my faith, than to use my gifts!

Follow me as I write about life forging forward through the fear.

Are you fighting the fear? If you are then know you are NOT alone!

I have found support in so many different ways! As I update this post it has been eight years since that day in church. My children have grown up, two are adults now. My books are in over 15 different countries. I have met people I would never have known, and heard their stories, seen some of them cry, prayed with others, and knew this was what that lessons was calling me to do.

This post was originally shared on my facebook page on November 16, 2016. It has been updated it and reposted it here on www.whimsyandpurpose.com by the Author Shannon L. Mokry, then transferred to my site at www.sillygeesepublishing.com Updated again on September 12, 2023.